!!!!! palerinis !!!!!
It is such an existential joy to be back in ye olde inbox after a months-long hibernation (ed’s note: do you remember when Bill DeBlasio DROPPED Staten Island Chuck on Groundhog’s Day? lol). If I were the actual hibernating type (i.e. a bear), I would take my last meal pre-winter very seriously. I mean at what cost do you accidentally eat a limp salad, swig some flat seltzer, and then nap for months and months? Perilous stuff! I would eat half a pizza, a piece of spinach/ feta/ sun-dried tomato quiche (eggs are best as lunch or dinner!! i will die on this hill!), and a chocolate chip cookie a la mode. Ooh la la, how luxurious!
Anyway, today we’re not discussing how we would act if we were various members of the animal kingdom (although, it’s worth noting that being a house reptile doesn’t seem like a *bad* deal). Instead, we’re dissecting the greater-Boston food scene, in all its sparkling grandeur, flavorless mediocrity, and old-school pizzazz.
So without further adieu, i can’t believe it’s not butter, and this is the scoop:
overrated in boston
*cracks knuckles*:
The North End: Despite how many people visit each year, I don’t think there’s an area in Boston that feels touristy in the way Midtown, the Loop, and the Mall do. That’s to Boston’s credit, as these areas are overrun with honking cars, people trying to get you to ride a hop on/ hop off trolley, and knock-off Mister Softee drivers who have the AUDACITY to charge you $5.50 for a twist cone with rainbow sprinkles (i am still mad about this!!!!). Anyway, the North End, which is stuffed to the gills with Italian restaurants, is probably the closest thing to a tourist hub in Boston. The winding streets are very charming and the Italian bakeries are actually good, but the restaurants are over-priced and mediocre. You’ve really gotta search to find one you like, and even then you’re probably waiting three hours to sit down. It’s like everyone’s under this collective delusion that any red sauce is good, and that’s just not true!! Chef Boyardee is rolling in his grave!
Sugar and Spice Thai: I hate to break it to you, but Sugar and Spice is not that great. There’s plenty of above-average Thai in greater Boston, but this place is all hype no substance. womp womp sorrryyyyy
appropriately rated in boston
*does a few jumping jacks to get the blood flowing*
Boston breweries: Harpoon, Aeronaut, and Trillium are absolutely great places to spend an afternoon. Harpoon is a German-style beer hall with massive long tables, a great sporty vibe, and homemade soft pretzels with dipping sauces that I’d buy by the ton (the garlic butter is S I N F U L). Aeronaut is right by a climbing gym in Cambridge, so I feel like you could plan a very great one-two punch there??? And Trillium feels a little moodier and refined inside, but don’t let the ambiance fool you: It’s an awesome hang if you're trying to get hip to some hops.
The food on Newbury Street: Unlike in the North End, where people expect to have a meal that sends their tastebuds on a one-way trip to cloud nine, Newbury Street eaters seem far more accepting of the fact that they’re paying to sit on Newbury Street. The food is absolutely fine at places like Stephanie’s and Trident Bookstore, and when the people watching and vibes are an 11/10, you really don’t need more than that. Eating on Newbury is like watching a rom com: You’re not there to have your world rocked; you’re there to have a nice time.
underrated in boston
*swears on a pic of 2001 derek jeter hosting snl that i won’t hype up bos too much*
Breakfast sandwiches: BOSTON IS A TITAN OF THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH. Mike and Patty’s bacon, egg, and cheese features the saltiest, crispiest, most delicious bacon this side of an Au Cheval burger. The Tatte halloumi sandwich comes on a challah roll that supports the semi-hard cheese and runny egg perfectly. The Radcliffe at Darwin’s is on a biscuit that is guaranteed to fall apart, but the pickled onions are so tangy and perfect that you won’t even mind. It’s like every other city is playing checkers with its breakfast sandwiches while Boston is playing chess blindfolded and listening to “Dirty Water” at full volume. Bangers on bangers!!!
Dessert: Boston punches so far above its weight when it comes to dessert. First of all, I’m ready to call it the dairy capital of the East Coast, and that’s not a distinction I take lightly. Great scoops from places like Toscanini’s, Honeycomb, and JP Licks are ubiquitous here, but it’s not just ice cream that makes Ben Affleck’s city on a hill so sweet. It’s the pastries from Mike’s and Bova’s; it’s the doughnuts from Kane’s and Twin Donuts; and it’s the hot chocolate from LA Burdick’s. We need a Hollywood Walk of Fame for this stuff!! Nothing but respect for *my* favorite desserts!
A barrel o’ links
i have so many tabs saved up, so here’s a block of text for you to browse:
how an ivy league school (penn) turned on a student; a tale as old as time: an exiled mexican president arrives on staten island and then invents chewing gum; balloons are blowing up; the death spiral of the american middle class; the new identity politics of mayor eric adams (who has not dropped a groundhog. .. . yet); succession drama at scholastic books, home of clifford and harry potter; on sad bangers; people are dying and people are apathetic. how did we get here?; millennials are nostalgic for high school; robert pattinson: dirty, dirty liar; how ryan from the oc became a … crypto bro???; coach k’s final march; and olivia rodrigo had a great tiny desk at the dmv
okeydokey, artichokes!! that’s all she wrote (for now). see ya next time and don’t forget to text that person the thing you’ve been meaning to say. byeeeeeeee !